It’s that wry, “Go ahead, knock yourself out” expression when he leaves Wile E. I’ve seen that look before, on the Road Runner’s lips (bill? beak?). “Oh yes, and as Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags is my witness, I plan to win!” I say, loudly and convincingly, throwing positive vibes out into the universe. I’m still waiting for those perky people with balloons and a giant check to knock on my door. Then there were the many times my mom and I stuck the appropriate stickers on Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes entry forms and ended up with nothing to show for it but lifetime subscriptions to Architectural Digest and Birds & Blooms. But of course they made tons of U’s, C’s, O’s, L’s and A’s and only a couple of the dadgum N’s. I don’t even remember what the prize was - probably something I wanted more than money, like a secret-agent spy periscope. It reminds me of one wasted summer in my childhood spent guzzling gallons of 7-Up to collect bottle caps to find the coveted, game-winning N to spell out U-N-C-O-L-A. I did get an “instant winner” ticket for a 12-ounce bag of Fresh Express salad, and another for a doughnut or bagel in the bakery department. People actually do win things, but mostly stuff like modest grocery-shopping sprees and various gift cards. Did I win big bucks then? No, because there are a bazillion of the evil little tickets given out at stores across the country and only a handful of winning ones for big prizes. The store ran this Mephistophelian version of Monopoly last year too. Monopoly, lures innocent grocery shoppers into the addictive collect-and-win game going on at Safeway stores. I’ve spent the last 27.5 minutes carefully tearing apart those little game tickets they give you at checkout, sorting them by their zombie-brain-eating number system (8C95E, 8V26B and so on …) then licking them like stamps to stick on the paper game board (instead of Baltic Avenue and Park Place, it has images of things like Skippy peanut butter and Bounce dryer sheets), but the stickers taste like dryer lint and they don’t stick very well so I’ve Scotch-taped them in place but, having finally just now read the game rules, it seems using tape or glue will VOID YOUR ENTRY!! Omg, omg, I’ll have to start over. Sure enough, the store chain is running that evil, diabolical, tortuous, infernal Monopoly contest again, and I’ve been sucked in, mortgaging my soul for the chance to win $1 million or a $10,000 family vacation or at least a 25-cent coupon for Heinz ketchup. And as I passed through the deli section, I spied with my little eye a banner featuring the Monopoly guy - you know, the cute little cartoon fella with the mustache and top hat whose name has evolved through the years from Rich Uncle to Rich Uncle Pennybags and then to Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags, although some just call him Mr. Carpenter St., Chicago, IL 60607-2101.I stopped at Safeway today to get olives, drain cleaner and three bars of 72 percent cacao Ghirardelli chocolate. Odds determined by number of entries received. Prizes: 362 in total, $36,799 ARV of all Prizes. To enter without making a purchase see Official Rules at for AMOE Entry link, eligibility/prizes/odds and details. Chicken McNuggets ® Combo Meal from any participating McDonald's restaurant. If you are an eligible customer who is opted in to the MyMcDonald's Rewards program, receive an Entry when you use the McDonald’s App in connection with the purchase of a Cactus Plant Flea Market Big Mac® Combo Meal or a Cactus Plant Flea Market 10 pc. or DC who are 16 years of age or older on the Day of participation. The Appstakes is open only to residents of the 50 U.S. Limit 1 Entry/day (regardless of method). local time and includes 4 Weekly Entry Periods and a final drawing, each with different prizes. local time and ends on October 30, 2022, at 11:59:59 p.m. Artist Residency Appstakes at McDonald’s begins on October 3, 2022, at 12:00:00 a.m. A purchase will not improve your chances of winning. No purchase is necessary to enter or win a prize.
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